Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
