i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
