in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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