this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
