dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
