we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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