What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
