just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
