I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
