How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
