thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Success! We fucked roommates!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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