I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
