Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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