Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
