I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
