After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
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I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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