I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
