We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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