I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
