Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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