why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
