I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Girls should come with a carfax report
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
