Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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