I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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