Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
