wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
