I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
