wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
two words...techno handjob
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize
