Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
