In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
