Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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