i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
