Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
