he wants to bone in the snuggie
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
