After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
