I've blown a few things in my day
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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