$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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