broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
