before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
