i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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