How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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