Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
