I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
