making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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