Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
