New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
