When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
