I heard we made out
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
