so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
