Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(201): View more from New Jersey

i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.

Fav 5 1439 797
share tweet
(818): View more from California

she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick

Fav 12 1162 4411
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(936): View more from Texas

im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...

Fav 6 3986 1253
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?

Fav 31 5502 2145
share tweet
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(402): View more from Nebraska

my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.

Fav 12 4993 1185
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know where my bra went.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

Fav 22 8284 1405
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

Fav 9 4689 1175
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(415): View more from California

A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."

Fav 4 866 596
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(406): View more from Montana

I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.

Fav 0 243 134
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT