i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.