I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.