talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
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Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.