Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
