People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.