had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.