my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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