Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish I only lived at night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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