i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
