Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
