I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
