Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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