my mouth tastes like poor choices
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
