You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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