I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
