I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
