Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize