and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
