____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
