i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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