At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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