i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
