we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
