Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
