Can i not drive my cunt home
literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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