My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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