We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
