Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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